Gossip Response

by: PJ Wong

In response to Mike’s recent gossip, I am outraged on many levels.
The highest level is of course the fact that I can’t believe that gossip has such a high regard in a so called Bible believing community. I really expected more out of you people, especially those in the counseling program, Upper Lehman, 4th room, above Christina Fisher, orange hair, glasses, drives a Hyundai and is totally going to be owned on December the 23rd of this year. This person will remain nameless due to the fact that I refuse to stoop down to that level.
When teaching about gossip, I think of a bag of flour. Each word is a sprinkle on the floor and each phrase is a handful cast upon the ground. And I think it’s about time to clean this mess up.
So in response to the recent allegations, I would like to set the story straight.
First of all, Mr. Boogerman and I were not meeting up for a wedding at all. I had invited him over for some coffee, along with a good friend for many years—Agatha. I had just brought out the game “Don’t Wake Up Daddy” and we were enjoying our reading week.
We had been playing for a few minutes when daddy sprung up from his bed. As Aggie jumped backwards, Booger was right there to save the day. Needless to say, Aggie fell back and found herself in the arms of a dashingly handsome young man. It was love at first sight.
The ordination part is true. I do weddings, bar-mitzvahs, bat-mitzvahs, Yiddish-mich-sche-vahs and the occasional Peruvian chimpanzee sacrifices. So knowing this, Ben asked me to do the deed. I was honoured.
The two set off for the honeymoon when Agatha, happy with her service, offered me a tip. As an honest man I refused but she insisted, telling me that it was a slap in the face to turn her down. I regretfully said yes, due to the fact of my outstanding student fines that are not yet paid. (Don’t worry Marjorie; I plan on paying off every penny with my damage deposit this coming spring.)
Long story short, the fling ended as Aggie found a new love - Daniel Cook. She pursued Dan in New Hampshire and the two have been no where to be found to this day. I hear that the two along with Jamie Knight, Bethany Wiebe, and Jordan Vetro are on an Bavarian cruise in search of the man eating behemoth spoken of in Spanish legend—Matt Cardases.
By the way, did you hear that Mike Salvatore really isn’t getting married? Yep. It’s really a scam to get our presents. He’s hired expert sharp shooter Brittany Rice to shoot down everyone who comes into the dining room. Little does he know, Mary has actually had a secret agenda since day one as well—star hit-men Dave King and Simon Boucher! Together, the three will take Salvatore out so she can run off with his automobile. But keep that one on the down low… just between us… okay?

Injustice - Part 2 of 3

by: Curtis Healy

You truly shouldn't have to pay for an education. You need to put your time into it. You need to work hard, but it shouldn't just be you supporting yourself; it should be the community supporting each other. I think it is a huge disgrace, especially at EBC that we have to let people leave because they can't afford the schooling they need to become more rounded in what they are blessed to become. That we have to pay to become fully actualized instruments of God.

It is shameful that we should have to pay for a piece of paper that has nothing to do with the mission of Christ so that we can be recognized and better accepted and have greater potential to be hired by a church. It is a shame that anyone has to pay to become what God, out of his good grace has granted to both Christian and non alike, an image of their path in life, and what they're supposed to be. Yes they need to work hard at it, but they shouldn't have to pay money to let someone recognize 'officially' what God has ordained them to be. But it truly goes to show, that the Church also, God bless her, has some things to work out, like comparing how enriching this God person will be with a graduate enriching the community alongside a certificate.

This is the problem facing some new friends of mine wondering if they should be here, because evidently the school doesn't deem them worthy of a certificate. It’s really a paradox saying 'based on the standards and requirements of the world, even the law, you do not measure up to be able to serve God a particular way.' It takes no account for how someone actually ministers and blesses etc, whether in a Christian environment or not. And it says ‘you are not valued for your enrichment or your blessing, or your spirit, maybe not even your knowledge but your ability to perform’. This is one more fancy way of saying 'Your ability to contribute to economy'. If you don’t have a $40 000 piece of paper, you're less economic to the church. How wonderful; where is the Spirit of God accounted for in all of this?

I find it odd that we are so worried about our church attendances and our pitches for evangelism these days. I don't in any way see how being satisfied with attendance or worrying about it is important. We should be concerned with what they leave with, not necessarily what they come with. They come with the same as us. But rather, we're worried about people showing up rather than the image of Christ we present. If we presented the image of Jesus correctly, it wouldn’t matter to us; people would come for the ingenuousness of the people filled with the Holy Spirit. I think we should adopt an Alice Cooper quote on this matter 'If God tells us to have a telefundraiser with a mark of say $200 000, he's not concerned about us actually making our mark, but the image of Christ we portray while raising the money.' Maybe we should be less concerned about numbers and more concerned about the number one? Because in the idea of 'get your slip' they're not looking at ‘how does this person bring Christ?’ They're looking at ‘how can this person liven up things?’ Or ‘do they have the quantitative capitalist requirements to economize our environment?’ Paper slips can cover a whole multitude of error and sin that have nothing to do with good ministry. But the attitude of the injustice isn't limited to the quest for the certificate.

You might say, ‘well I have no time for this’, or ‘my struggles are my own’ etc. Well then you don't have time to be a human being. And you don't understand the meaning of struggle or pain. They do not exist so we can sit back with pride and exemption and see where others have less, and justify ourselves or even our behaviors at delineated with them. Struggle and difficulty - suffering exists to bind us together in commonality. Pain exists to be healed and we are to lead people to the Master Healer, who has healed us.