The Lazed, the Glazed and the Sloth

Why Reading Break is no longer necessary
by: Jordan Vetro

I write here today to make a plea to the school to deter from a deadly and harmful tradition that is ruining the minds of our students and encouraging irresponsibility and laziness. This is the reading week. Hundreds of students who would benefit from another solid week of school work, are ripped from their studies and allowed to be idle and carefree. They call it reading break, but the uncultured and uneducated have taken this thing and skewered it beyond recognition until it is an outlet for a need for decadence and sloth.
How can one trust students to dedicate themselves to their work? How can one expect that a week without classes will encourage dedication and hard work when students are not under the careful and caring eye of “Big Brother”?
'Nay' I say, 'Nay and nay again!' We must not be so careless as to give these students a chance to develop a lack of dedication which will carry over into their later school work.
In days of old, they were more dedicated. Students were not given the chance to be lazy. They knew what was at stake. Today's students have lost sight of such priorities, and we need drastic change. It includes such helpful tools as sea rations, scheduled nights sleep, and most important, the demise of reading break.
As a student, I feel it my duty to inform the faculty, whose duty it is to devote themselves to our academic progression, that reading break must be canceled post-haste.
And I believe it should not simply stop there. Reading break is not the only faulty aspect of our system which must be mended.
Summer break is no longer a chance for students to work; it has become a virus, an infection that plagues our students with ill thought and lazy action.
Weekends also, useless breaks simply for the purpose of drawing students away from their priorities.
Very true statistics show that at least 78.930383% of students at our school agree that we henceforth dispose of all opportunities to divert us from our studies*.
The Aye's have it, and the people have decided. We shall remain in class permanently, taking short breaks for nourishment and trips to the lavatory, and we shall all be happier, more intelligent, and more blessed than we ever were before.
And how might you ask have I discovered the truth as to the true nature of a break which we all believed was beneficial to our education and helpful to our sanity? I did nothing! Zero Productivity! I spent more time in the bathroom then I spent being productive.
And honestly, who worries about people's sanity anymore?

*footnote: Statistics are not very true or even mostly true. In fact, there has circulated some doubt that they are even true at all.